"I have been overweight, in fact obese, for as long as I can remember," says Gayle.
Painful memories
"As a child I have painful memories etched into my mind of waiting in line waiting to be weighed at primary school by the school nurse. The cruel jibes of ‘elephant’ whispered amongst silly 7-year old boys have stayed with me for decades and even now I wince in pain at the memory.
"As a teenager, unable to wear the regulation school skirts and mandated gym knickers, I stood out in homemade skirts and loose baggy clothing. Unable to join in on trips and activities due to my size, I stayed home alone and ate myself further into depression and anxiety. Food became my best friend and biggest foe.
"No longer able to comfortably move my body and crippled with depression I gave up on a fantastic education, A* exam results and the prospect of a place at prestigious university and sunk further into despair. A glimmer of hope at 18, I was offered bariatric surgery and successfully lost 10 stone - still leaving me in the medically obese category. Following the surgery I received no dietary or mental health support. I continued to battle my demons as my dress size decreased my disordered eating habits grew."
Lonely and scared
"Then as a young woman, who fell into an abusive relationship and subsequent marriage (and now divorce) with the first man who showed any interest in me, due to cripplingly low self esteem and zero self worth, I continued to turn to food in times of crisis. My weight once again began to spiral and the pounds started piling back on. I was a lonely, scared young woman with an irregular cycle and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) who by some miracle became pregnant unexpectedly.
"This new phase of life brought with it its own set of complications. Constantly reminded of my obesity and how I was damaging this precious unborn life inside me and in the same breath told absolutely NOT to diet and rob my growing child of vital nutrients. I was spoken to like I had no concept of what a vegetable was. Terrified, confused and constantly met with unsupportive, conflicting advice I once again turned to my biggest comforter - food.
"After a traumatic labour, eclampsia and seizures - I was met by an officious consultant doing the maternity ward rounds who scolded me, in front of an entire ward of new mums for having been selfish enough to ever get pregnant. He sneered at me and told me I should never consider having more children ‘in my state’. No words of comfort or advice, just utter disdain.
"The midwife at his side shot me an embarrassed look as I sobbed and sobbed into the heavenly scented head of my newborn son. I would do anything for this little bundle of wrinkled pink skin, I would die for him. I almost did just 12 hours earlier. But I was met with contempt - no support or encouragement. Selfish. Greedy. Lazy. Unintelligent. The same rhetoric I had been met with my entire life.
"This rhetoric is carved into my psyche and has steadily chipped away at my self-worth over the decades. My dignity bruised and my body impaired after years of yo-yo’ing from one diet to another only to regain the weight and more."
Stigma and prejudice
Obesity has robbed me of over 30 years of my life and I fight every day to stop it robbing me of my future. I will continue to fight the stigma that those living with obesity are lazy and unintelligent. That we somehow ask for a lifetime of prejudice, abuse and maltreatment.
I long for the day that someone’s worth isn’t dictated by their dress size or body shape; that the medical profession treat obesity as a complex disease and patients with the compassion and care afforded to those with other chronic conditions."